Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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