I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
