I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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