My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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