I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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