sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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