make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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