whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How's work?
Spinning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
