I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
