I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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