I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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