And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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