3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
