im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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