someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
