I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
