they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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