if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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