Kiss
Puke
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i've created a new STD.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
