OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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