Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
