u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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