Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
