So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
