I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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