none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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