I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
