you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
