Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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