Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We were destined to go to rehab together
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
