ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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