never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
