I wish I could punch you in the face.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
