i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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