hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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