just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I party with great urgency now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
