your thong is hanging out like whoa
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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