i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
