piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
