im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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