Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
