You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
