Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
