my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
