I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize
