I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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