ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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