There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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