Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
