Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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