My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My dick has a subreddit
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
