Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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