im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
