my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm just crazy horny about you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
