he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
