So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
