C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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