Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
