matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
