I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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