Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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