you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think my tv is drunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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