gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You've changed since you got that strap on