I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
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I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!