thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face