someone threw a dead crab at me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off