Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.