What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
